Rules Of Lying

After a disappointing results of some of the dumbest surveys about successful lying :P i have come to a conclusion to teach the youth of today how to lie. Because lying is not a tough task, but escaping after that is tough.. That's where you need expert advice :P so here goes..
I ll start of with the easy concepts.
a lie can have multiple definitions. example
Lying to your friend: depends but alwayz fun
Lying to your girlfriend: survival
Lying to your teacher: obvious entertainment
Lying to your parents: i don think you lie about anything except marks or girls :P so safety
Lying to yourself: cheating yourself(come on, one decent post :P)

so lying is for various purposes but here are the things that you need to follow when you are lying an when you want to get away with it for the time being or longer :P especially with wives or girlfriends :D

here are the few things that i know you can use to be safe.
1. When you lie, don even try to butter up the person so that he/she might fall for it.
why?? when you try to butter some one up its pretty obviously shown. example shaking hands like there is no tomorrow, or if its a girl, you go on commenting about how good they look, or how well they dress, it becomes a bit too much than what she expects.

2. Dont look down and shy out and the lie to the person.
do this and nobody is needed to tel the other person that you are lying. its equal to apologizing to that person before even lying.

3. Speak in a normal pace and maintain eye contact
This is what you have to do often in an interview. This is no less to an interview only your chances of getting caught are higher.

4. Please for heavens sake make the lie simple.
Because if you give complex values just to make it amusing, he/she will remember what you said, but if we forget what exactly we said --> INSULT

5. MEMORY now this is divided into two classes
>what remember what was it that you lied about. Cos when that person says something about your lie and you say "is it??" you will get beaten :P

>to whom this is even more important than the previous one. Cos you need to remember what have you lied to whom. forgetting what you lied wil get you beaten. Wrong lie at wrong place may get you killed :P

6. Lie but not more than you are capable of
this is the most bloody important thing of all. if suddenly i go to my friends and say i got the mister punctual award in my office they ll start ROFLing immediately(even if it were to be true. yea i know. sucks :|). lie within the range :D

7. When to surrender
This should be done with precision and accuracy. This is to be done when you know that you got caught. Go to the person and say with a smile(if its a silly lie. don do this if you lied something like you got Harvard, n then she knew you dint pass your UG. don't laugh in that spot. If you lied this way refer point 6). if things go out of hand, you can always use another lie to cover it up. But the one problem here is that if you get caught again, x_x R.I.P... so lie about something you dunno but you are sure of..

Go and lie you liars :D life is race :P

PS: One of the people who read this blog, pointed out a very good thing.. all that fun is there, but if one starts lying then to cover it you need to lie again and the chain goes on... so avoid this :)